ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
