every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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