Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
