We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
