The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
