i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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