is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
