I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
