Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
