All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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