I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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