I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
