He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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