3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
