Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
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Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
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I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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