im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
