I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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