hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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