I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
