dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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