Your dad touched me again.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
