Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
How's work?
Spinning.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
