i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
