I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
