I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
