i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The air taste purple.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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