I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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