I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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