There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
