Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize