i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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