She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
