every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
