you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
