I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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