Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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