why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
