worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The air was thick with penises
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
