im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
