***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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