She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
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It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
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I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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