even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Small penises have feelings too.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
FUCK WHALES
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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