i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
