Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!

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  (917): i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire! http://tfl.nu/yxp7
  Replies (12) Good night (4820) Bad night (860)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.

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  (978): I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b. http://tfl.nu/o2b7
  Replies (33) Good night (2562) Bad night (1567)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"

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  (732): So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?" http://tfl.nu/5x5l
  Replies (78) Good night (1133) Bad night (17203)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.

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  (218): Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it. http://tfl.nu/dm7u
  Replies (44) Good night (8245) Bad night (2710)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Why am I even shocked you're doing this....

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  (774): Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n (617): Why am I even shocked you're doing this.... http://tfl.nu/y7yp
  Replies (11) Good night (6347) Bad night (1226)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.

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  (931): Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned. http://tfl.nu/a2rg
  Replies (14) Good night (2239) Bad night (602)
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  (631): View more from New York

  He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?

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  (631): He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he? http://tfl.nu/banx
  Replies (11) Good night (1815) Bad night (1019)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.

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  (260): I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is. http://tfl.nu/8her
  Replies (16) Good night (1577) Bad night (1031)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.

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  (+44): We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands. http://tfl.nu/fk2d
  Replies (3) Good night (1941) Bad night (553)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.

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  (775): Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob. http://tfl.nu/q4zv
  Replies (14) Good night (1605) Bad night (481)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.

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  (774): In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely. http://tfl.nu/mh8s
  Replies (7) Good night (956) Bad night (440)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.

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  (214): I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef. http://tfl.nu/ln6b
  Replies (2) Good night (347) Bad night (370)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie

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  (902): so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie http://tfl.nu/ou7w
  Replies (8) Good night (560) Bad night (1161)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  So like, boobs.

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  are you really going to start every conversation like that?

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  (616): So like, boobs. (1-616): are you really going to start every conversation like that? http://tfl.nu/4tw0
  Replies (3) Good night (744) Bad night (317)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you

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  (814): I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you http://tfl.nu/g34j
  Replies (1) Good night (961) Bad night (309)

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