I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.