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• (785): View more from Kansas

  If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up

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• (512): View more from Texas

  just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position

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  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car

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• (917): View more from New York City

  The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.

  (1-612): View more from Minnesota

  I will rub McFlurries all over you.

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• (305): View more from Florida

  The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Alls I remember is making out with that chick.

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Nope that was a dude

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• (805): View more from California

  GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!

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• (253): View more from Washington

  We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.

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