based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad