Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.