Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
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There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
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I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!