Texts From Last Night

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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.

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  (403): you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion. http://tfl.nu/ldji
  Replies (16) Good night (6861) Bad night (731)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  How wet are you?

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  Ever heard of a U-boat?

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  (908): How wet are you? (1-908): Ever heard of a U-boat? http://tfl.nu/c25g
  Replies (16) Good night (3900) Bad night (598)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I look better un-naked...

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  (870): I look better un-naked... http://tfl.nu/umxx
  Replies (10) Good night (731) Bad night (3619)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.

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  (240): oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie. http://tfl.nu/8aj5
  Replies (9) Good night (689) Bad night (3862)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry

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  (252): U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry http://tfl.nu/sko0
  Replies (41) Good night (3968) Bad night (1560)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me

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  (845): I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me http://tfl.nu/ucgi
  Replies (4) Good night (2953) Bad night (1125)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.

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  (903): I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission. http://tfl.nu/3lm1
  Replies (19) Good night (3339) Bad night (1026)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Are you in a cab?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?

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  (312): Are you in a cab? (908): I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka? http://tfl.nu/9mwy
  Replies (3) Good night (2543) Bad night (926)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become

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  (214): The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become http://tfl.nu/8je0
  Replies (6) Good night (2938) Bad night (1098)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.

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  (740): I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving. http://tfl.nu/pyht
  Replies (10) Good night (4189) Bad night (1139)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.

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  (570): Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window. http://tfl.nu/lqfg
  Replies (10) Good night (440) Bad night (1345)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween

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  (860): Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween http://tfl.nu/izhm
  Replies (4) Good night (2221) Bad night (508)
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  (916): View more from California

  Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?

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  (916): Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college? http://tfl.nu/z4fh
  Replies (2) Good night (870) Bad night (407)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.

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  (317): Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life. http://tfl.nu/xt94
  Replies (1) Good night (806) Bad night (259)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.

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  (410): The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club. http://tfl.nu/ncu7
  Replies (0) Good night (427) Bad night (262)

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