Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?

(770): View more from Georgia

b/c u have herpes

(310): View more from California

No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.

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(310): Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss? (770): b/c u have herpes (310): No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole. http://tfl.nu/unxh

Replies (19) Good night (1052) Bad night (5537)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."

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(250): He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that." http://tfl.nu/vmd9

Replies (37) Good night (1385) Bad night (5464)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.

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(402): my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk. http://tfl.nu/e85f

Replies (12) Good night (4642) Bad night (890)
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(706): View more from Georgia

saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal

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(706): saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal http://tfl.nu/ml27

Replies (11) Good night (4720) Bad night (2008)
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(416): View more from Toronto

He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers

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(416): He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers http://tfl.nu/ldwb

Replies (15) Good night (4883) Bad night (1384)
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(443): View more from Maryland

I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much

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(443): I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much http://tfl.nu/p5rg

Replies (10) Good night (1281) Bad night (2291)
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(+64): View more from New Zealand

The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.

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(+64): The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care. http://tfl.nu/n9x9

Replies (2) Good night (1523) Bad night (602)
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(540): View more from Virginia

I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.

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(540): I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that. http://tfl.nu/0566

Replies (10) Good night (1637) Bad night (649)
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(313): View more from Michigan

#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.

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(313): #1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned. http://tfl.nu/f6q8

Replies (7) Good night (1534) Bad night (564)
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(937): View more from Ohio

Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.

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(937): Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams. http://tfl.nu/nyo6

Replies (10) Good night (1076) Bad night (524)
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(314): View more from Missouri

Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine

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(314): Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine http://tfl.nu/rnj9

Replies (11) Good night (657) Bad night (1319)
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(850): View more from Florida

I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.

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(850): I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25. http://tfl.nu/pimr

Replies (4) Good night (987) Bad night (348)
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(708): View more from Illinois

I think I died last night.

(414): View more from Wisconsin

Yeah, you got carried home

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(708): I think I died last night. (414): Yeah, you got carried home http://tfl.nu/8211

Replies (1) Good night (572) Bad night (271)
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(905): View more from Ontario

i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...

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(905): i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head... http://tfl.nu/72nr

Replies (1) Good night (531) Bad night (222)
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(+42): View more from

I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.

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(+42): I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico. http://tfl.nu/klt7

Replies (0) Good night (584) Bad night (172)

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