if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
