My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
