she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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