Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
