I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
