He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
