It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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