I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
