I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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