I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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