so that wasnt chicken after all
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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