There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
