so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Randomize
