I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
