He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
