so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm just crazy horny about you
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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