Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize
