Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
