yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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