Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
