It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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