im drinking this country out of the recession.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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