the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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