so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize