how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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