My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
