Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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