kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
