can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
