I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
