Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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